Washington, DC, USA. Here we go again! A Colorado surgeon begins a public relations push for an innovative approach to Sex Reconnoiter Surgery (SRS). The transgenders go on the WARPATH. Pope Benedict XVI has a startling transsexual revelation. The Church of Scientology begins a serious audit of genitalia. The new Gender Perfect public bathroom debuts amid controversy over its method of waste disposal.

In case you missed any of those stories, Media Ranger fills you in.


Rocky Mountains, USA. The patriarchy has been implicated in a variety of human maladies, including weddings and childbirth.

Until indictments can be delivered, citizens have begun taking matters into their own hands.

Rumor has it, as rumor often does, that a certain popular doctor in Colorado will begin performing Sex Reconnoiter Surgery (SRS) using a combination of Wicca incantations, Eastern acupuncture, and a Vegan diet to numb the pain in lieu of the general anesthesia generally favored by conventional surgeons trained by the patriarchy.

Anesthesia is just another restraint imposed upon the transgender community by the capitalistic health care system and its medical lackeys.

Doctor J anticipates that the use of Wicca, in lieu of the methods favored by profit oriented Ivy League Medical Schools, will eventually reduce the cost of Vagioplasty to less than $6000 and Double D breast implantation to less than $1000 as she will offer both operations as out patient surgery.

If the patient wants Labiaplasty, the cost of the additional spell will be $500.

Doctor J is looking forward to eventually performing Vagioplasty, Labiaplasty, and the Boob Job all in one pass for a combined cost to the patient of $1395.99 based on an expected annual inflow of 5000 vegan patients in non leap years.

Once you discard all that board certified nonsense and inflexible protocols, anything is possible if only your heart is true.

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Chicago IL, USA. At its annual meeting in Chicago last month, The World Association of Recombinant Psychics, Academics, and Technoformative Healers (WARPATH) announced that the newly updated Transgender Standards of Care (TSOC — formerly the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care) would no longer include references to transsexuality.

According to the WARPATH leadership, WARPATH members have determined that transssexuality is a delusion and does not exist.

According to WARPATH:

Dr. Benjamin really really didn’t mean what he actually said. If he were alive today, Dr. Benjamin would admit that transgenders and transvestites and crossdressers and transssexual men and women were all the same social construct.

The announcement was made at the Gala Costume Ball in the Lakeside Hilton Starlight Ballroom.

In other news from the ball, Doctor J and Ann Lawrence were named the official royal couple over the festivities. Reports of who led during the royal couple’s dance are inconclusive.

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Vatican City, Roma, Italia. In his regular Sunday sermon, Pope Benedict XVI announced that the Catholic Church’s position on transssexuality was in grievous error. Previous papal positions had evolved from benign neglect through the recent condemnation.

Current pronouncements have it that transssexual men and women could attend Mass but they could not join the celebration and partake of the Eucharist. The only known exceptions were on Roman Catholic Pride Day, when all catholics are expected to dress well for church.

Pope Benedict's revelation follows.

My blessed children of God,

I was in my study last night rereading my copy of the autobiography of Tomás de Torquemada when the Lord appeared to me and said Joseph (my name before I was infallible), Joseph, why do you persecute those born with transsexualism?

Do you not know that I made them too? Why do you question the medicine and the science I have provided you? Why do you refuse them treatment?

I asked the Lord what He meant.

Do you not understand they are my children too, even as you are? Let them be. Transition is difficult enough without you adding to it. In the future, if you still feel a need to micromanage, worry about starving babies and the homeless instead of whether transssexual men and women can receive communion. They are as I made them.

After the service, the Roman Curia announced that the Catholic Church would be establishing a foundation to provide grants to transssexual men and women to help defray the cost of transition, including Sex Realignment Surgery.

The Curia also announced a joint partnership with Avon and Sephora to hold periodic regional make-overs for crossdressers and transvestites. Additional details are expected to be published by the end of the year in Vogue, Mademoisselle, and Women with Penises magazines as well as all tranny websites with flower, butterfly, or fairy decors.

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Los Angeles, CA, USA. The renowned Church of Scientology has recently published Dianetics for Operating Transsexuals, stating that the certainty reported by men and women with a transsexual history regarding their their identity at an early age is a recapitulation of the Scientology edict that “which is true for you is what you have observed to be true.” Perhaps because Scientology was founded by a pulp science-fiction writer on a bar bet, many observors believe that Scientology's position on transssexuality is quite progressive.

A transsexual’s spiritual existence is no less real than Tom Cruise’s. One’s relationship to the Supreme Being is not dependent on the configuration of one’s genitals.

Through the Scientology process of auditing, transssexual men and women will be able to free themselves of traumatic incidents, ethical transgressions, and genital organs that are not in congruence with the sexual identity established during fetal development. By following the Dianetics of Operating Transsexuals, those born with transssexuality will recover their native spiritual abilities and obtain commensurate mental and physical benefits, including Sex Realignment without Surgery (SRWS).

Church of Scientology spokesmen said that for an transssexual man or woman to acquire SRWS, they must first become a Patron with Honors. Current estimates place the minimum annual donation for a Patron with Honors designation at $100,000 USD.

Although rumors persist that Christine Jorgensen was a closet Scientologist, a spokesman for the Church said it is their policy not to disclose its membership, past or present.

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Blaine, OH, USA. The Bathroom Manufacturers Association of America launched its new Gender Perfect public bathroom at its annual convention in Blaine, Ohio. Designed for shopping malls and other public areas, the Gender Perfect public bathroom suite provides fool proof prevention of countergender intrusion into the woman’s restrooms by testosterone burdened crossdressers.

Gender Perfect automatically detects sexual pheromones given off by the human body and alerts authorities should non-female pheromones be detected in the women’s restroom. A fail safe secondary line of defense is built into the Gender Perfect stall facility itself.

Objects detected dangling below the level of the toilet seat will be instantaneously removed by Gender Perfect using state of the art Kershaw Shun technology.

The Bathroom Manufacturers Association of America (BMAA) represents the interests of the national bathroom industry, the National Organization of Women (NOW), the Girl Scouts of America (GSA), and the Family Life Council (FLC).

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