Washington, DC, USA. When I was in my late teens and early twenties — large eyes, sweet smile and dimples on olive skin — both men and women hit on me in equal numbers.

I have dealt with sexual attraction since I was eleven and two thirteen year old girls pursued me around a public swimming pool. I grew used to being a target of desire and quickly learned how to deflect unwanted advances without deflating the emotions of anyone who might want me.


We would converse, we might share drinks, but, in general, we did not go to bed. After all, I hold nothing against potential lovers. The interplay between and among the sexes is one of life’s great joys and I have always been naturally good at the glance eyes, the quick allusive banter, the touch that suggests much more. I am in love with humanity, avoiding our lesser angels and those that might wish to bring me harm. Every new acquaintance, every potential new lover is risk. But that’s a part of the excitement. Part of being a young primate full of hormones and life.



How the US Army Views Consent

“Sexual assault is defined as intentional sexual contact, characterized by use of force, threats, intimidation, abuse of authority, or when the victim does not or cannot consent.

Sexual assault includes rape, forcible sodomy (oral or anal sex), and other unwanted sexual contact that is aggravated, abusive, or wrongful (to include unwanted and inappropriate sexual contact), or attempts to commit these acts.

Consent means words or overt acts indicating a freely given agreement to the sexual conduct at issue by a competent person.

●  An expression of lack of consent through words or conduct means there is no consent.

●  Lack of verbal or physical resistance or submission resulting from the accused’s use of force, threat of force, or placing another person in fear does not constitute consent.

●  A current or previous dating relationship by itself or the manner of dress of the person involved with the accused in the sexual conduct at issue shall not constitute consent.”

—  Sexual Assault Prevention and Response (SAPR) Program. DoDD 6495.01.As you grow older, you crave less excitement. The familiar brings comfort, the knowing touch, pleasure and happiness. Not that the pheromones ever stop flowing. Those you are attracted to remain those to which you are attracted. But you accept the boundaries of the human pair bound. At least you should. We are much more than hormones, instincts, and sweaty flesh.

When Adam ate the apple in the Garden and learned how to multiply and replenish, the other animals learned the Art, too, by watching Adam. It was cunning of them, it was neat; for they got all that was worth having out of the apple without tasting it and afflicting themselves with the disastrous Moral Sense, the parent of all the immoralities.

—  Letters from Earth. Mark Twain.

When sexual advances are not desired, sexual attraction can quickly move to Sexual Harassment and Assault.

The United States Army, a very large group of physically healthy young men and women, has developed extensive — and mandatory — Sexual Harassment/Assault Response and Prevention (SHARP) training for all its members (military and civilian, including the author). The Army defines Sexual Harassment as

... a form of gender discrimination that involves unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature between the same or opposite genders when submission to, or rejection of, such conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, work performance, or creates a hostile or intimidating work environment. [Cf. Reference]

Sexual Assault is defined as intentional sexual contact, characterized by the use of force, threats, intimidation, abuse of authority, or when the victim does not or cannot consent. [Cf. Reference]

The Army is quite serious in preventing sexual harassment and assault. They (soldiers and civilians) are a band of brothers and sisters who never leave a fallen comrade behind. The Army believes that

... when a sexual assault occurs, it is a direct violation of not just our Army core values and Warrior Ethos, it is an assault on the Army way of life — a life in which it is our duty to protect and take care of each other no matter the time, place, or circumstance. As a band of brothers and sisters, it is our (the Army’s, civilian and military’s] personal duty to intervene and prevent sexual assault and harassment. [Cf. Reference]

My SHARP training consisted of four hour block of classroom instruction and a next day hour long role playing video and a short, multiple answer examination. Which brings us full circle to the trigger for this column.

The video gave the viewer a choice of role playing: you could be the female victim, you could be the guy who assaulted her, or you could be a girl at the bar interacting with victim’s girlfriends and watching the interaction between the female victim and the male aggressor. All participants were enlisted members of the United States Army.

I chose to be one of the girls at the bar watching the singles bar action. Men hit on women, offered to buy drinks; the women flirted back, accepted drinks. The same dance goes on at every night at every singles bar in America. Men suggest, women accept or demur. Women suggest, men accept. Sometimes it goes too far.

I was transported back to an age when I too frequented bars, accepted drinks, and deflected unwanted advances. Suddenly I was twenty-one again and a target for men and women wanting to get laid. I had forgotten the intensity of the encounter, the physical excitement of the ancient game. For the moment, I was young again.

But my instincts remained sharp and I made my way through the video, making choices, looking out for my girlfriends. And in the end, the victim was no longer a victim as we intervened, told the man to back off, and drove her home to her room.

I passed the course and wondered what I would do in real life if I were young again.

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